Part 1: Online-dating tips for a better world
Be a kind human.
Although, according to a survey*, most couples still get to know each other through friends, online dating is an immensely growing factor in finding and searching for love. It’s no longer a reason for secrecy to know your partner from the internet. Every day, 26 million on the search worldwide match up on Tinder. Many couples who met during the first generation of OKCupid users are now married. But the way there is lined with disappointments. Time to think about how you can make this parallel world a little bit nicer every day.
Tip No. 1:
Honesty starts with the profile
Imagine you create an online dating profile, meet the person of your dreams, date a little, fall in love, get married… and suddenly the dream bursts because it turns out you’re not 21 at all, don’t speak ten languages, and another husband is waiting for you in Canada. Your love feels betrayed and breaks up immediately. Finished.
It doesn’t have to be that drastic, of course. And to a certain extent it’s also legitimate to present your merits and to round up your own biography, let’s say, upwards. But with the fundamental issues, it’s better to remain honest.
With many online dating apps, OkCupid for example, you can also show your lifestyle honestly, authentically and directly: Drug consumption, desire to have children, religion, preferred form of relationship, fetishes, etc. That way you won’t have to hide little vices and fads anymore. On the contrary, maybe there are people out there celebrating you for your cannabis use or your hypochondria. And don’t forget: to state your age correctly is a matter of honour. Even if you are often told that you “look much younger”.
People of all sexes sometimes only want sex without obligations. But what everyone also wants is to know where they’re at.
A friend told me that Tinder had several men writing to her that they were in an “open marriage”. But through this little lie they apparently just wanted to avoid the stress of dealing with obligations.
Seriously now? Dear men, some of you still seem to think that you “won’t get any” if you honestly write in your profile that you are just looking for a fun night out. Hello? It’s 2018. Forget the cliché. It devalues women, and all people in general. People of all sexes sometimes only want sex without obligations. But what all people also want is to know where they’re at. Because only if you know what’s going on can you act accordingly.
Tip No. 2:
Pictures without facetune preserve beauty
The same applies to your photo gallery: it should be as authentic, up-to-date and natural as possible. Don’t use face filters such as Facetune. It’ll only destroy your beautiful freckles and laughter lines. Of course, you don’t have to take close-ups of your belly wrinkles or document that one of your toes is much too long. But it’d be good if your date in real life recognised you right away, right?
Also, disadvantageous: pictures showing half your ex’s chin. You may have thought you look too good to not use it, but if you don’t have the Photoshop skills to eliminate your ex from the picture, don’t use it.
Tip No. 3:
Halloween’s long over, but you guys are still ghosting.
The term ghosting refers to a complete, unannounced termination of contact by a person with whom you have established some kind of relationship. Suddenly all attempts of contact are lost, as if one had only imagined the connection to the other person. They disappear like a ghost. Ghosting happens while dating, but also in friendships.
“Annoyed, she gave up dessert and was about to put on her coat. The guy seemed to be really surprised and wanted to know what was going on. They were getting along so well.”
An acquaintance had a terrible first date in a restaurant, the guy apparently didn’t speak a word to her. When asked questions, he answered monosyllabically. Annoyed, she declined dessert and was about to put on her coat. The guy seemed to be so surprised and wanted to know what was going on. They were getting along so well.
The perception of time spent together can vary greatly among the participants. Misunderstandings of this kind can last for several months. And some of you see this as a reason to stop talking to the other person even after having dated for a while, getting to know each other’s parents and a short trip to Amsterdam. “It just didn’t fit,” you think, shrugging your shoulders. Why don’t you tell that to the other who cries their eyes out at home and wonders what they did wrong?
The danger of ghosting is even greater with online acquaintances, because you often do not yet have a common circle of friends. In addition, the online dating world is a perpetual temptation, and there are still many potential dates waiting.
Note: The opposite of ghosting is not to enumerate everything that you dislike about the other.
Instead, just say it doesn’t fit, but don’t get too personal either. To write “Hmm Simon, I noticed after the second quickie that your penis is a bit too small for me and you’re generally quite a low performer in bed…” is useful and honest, but also quite hurtful for Simon. A: “I have noticed: it’s not working out between us after all. I’m just not feeling it. I’m sorry.” Is also an option.
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