7 sentences you don’t want to hear this year at Christmas

(or any other time)

1. “Your ex-boyfriend called. He had his end of the year medical check-up. He says to call back.”

2. “I got you a Santa’s wife costume, honey. It makes you look even better when you’re baking cookies.”

3. “The continuation of the journey is delayed indefinitely.”

4. “Friday at the company Christmas party I noticed that I was attracted to Gia-Lousie from the legal department. Can she move in with her boyfriend?”

5. “I fell in love with the fir tree. I’m objectophile now.”

6. “Oops, should have labeled the packages better… Now I accidentally gave your mum the new pressure wave vibrator.”

7. “Tell me, did we always have frost patterns on our bathroom mirrors or did the heating fail?”