We continue our mission. Here are three more tips how to online-date in a better world.
Tip No. 4:
Not every trip you’ve taken wants to be seen by everybody: typical dating app users
“Turn your face towards the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.” Puke! These or similar interchangeable sayings spread to dating apps like annoying herpes. But what does that actually say about our digital counterpart, except that he or she googled “inspirational quotes”?
It doesn’t say quite as much about you as a human being as you might think when you photograph yourself every day in front of the mirror lifting weights. More examples of typical dating app user profiles: The traveller, the fitness freak, the party hopper.
Yeah, we know that travel is the only thing that makes you richer when you buy it. Or something like that. And we also know that it looks good in your CV if you have walked the Way of St. James, preferably barefoot and without a mobile phone. It’s also true that exercise is good for your health and tanning makes your six pack look even more defined. Still, it doesn’t say quite as much about you as you might think. A potential date is interested in you. And not in your friends, travels or body transformations.
Tip for a better world: Tell us what fascinates you so much about sports or what you like about your friends, who can be seen in every picture. Remember also: Your friends have a right to their own picture. And maybe they don’t even want to be discovered by their boss on a Tinder photo taken during the last sick leave.
And instead of uploading 300 travel pics, you could personally tell your date what you experienced on your travels and how they changed you as a person. This is more authentic, you get to know each other better and have a conversation topic right away. Win-Win!
Tip No. 5:
A too-strict type can restrict
One study* says that we often don’t find what we think “our type” is in people appealing. It’s more about how someone smells or sounds. We actually fall in love with subtle little things. Often without realising it.
A friend told me that women always ask him about his height on online dating platforms. He finds it annoying and superficial and answers each time with the question of how heavy they actually are. You can imagine the reactions of the women concerned. Whether his answer is now the right one, I would like to leave unanswered. But one thing is certain: online dating is superficial. However, questions aimed at locating the other within a norm or a personal ideal may cut you into your own flesh. Maybe you’re on the date of a lifetime with someone who’s not really your type. Or you get a stomach ache laughing because you have the same sense of humour, and you become great friends. All this can happen if you loosen your idea of the ideal person.
Tip No. 6:
Send Noodles, not Nudes: Consensus also applies online
Nervousness, aggression or shyness are softened by the anonymity of the net and the non-binding nature of the written word. Nevertheless, there’s consensus here, too. This means that there must be a common understanding about each approach, as well as about the nature and limits of communication. If possible, avoid being a sexist racist or otherwise “ist” ass, regardless of gender. Don’t send unsolicited nude pictures. Don’t tell your new conversation partner unasked what you want to do with them in bed. Try to respond to your counterpart and best case quickly arrange a personal meeting. Just be nice.